Reflection on The Prayer (7)

(Entire Prayer to be found at https://www.divinetruth.com/www/en/html/index.htm#prayer.htm)

“…and partake of thy great love, which thou has bestowed in thy mercy…”

I am moved by the idea of a deep friendship, as described by Jesus in his commentary on The Prayer:

“In this way our relationship with our Father has a similarity to a deep friendship with another person. Within a deep friendship, each individual, if they desire the friendship and come to know each other well, will understand the feelings of the other. This is the way we come to “know” the individual with whom we are friends. In addition, if both are growing at a similar pace, and are open to change and truth, then the friendship and love will become stronger and deeper as time progresses.” 

Later he writes:

“But, His Personal Love is such that it cannot flow to a soul that does not desire and long for a personal relationship with Him. For Him to force His Love into a soul that does not wish to possess His Love, or does not wish to possess it to a greater degree than that condition present within it, He would have to break His Own Laws of Truth and Love and overcome that soul’s Free Will, which He would never do … 

… Truth and God’s Love are mutually inclusive. God’s Love can only continue to flow into a soul that removes error from itself, or allows error to be removed from itself, and is desirous for and learns to practice Truth. 

But, in this we need to be aware that we can accept the truth within our mind, but our soul may be feeling another belief, so I must emphasise that it is the soul’s beliefs that allow the reception of God’s Love, and not the mind. This is a very important point to understand if we wish to grow in the Love of Our Father.”

(From Jesus’ commentary on the Prayer for Divine Love) https://www.divinetruth.com/www/en/pdf/Prayer/Prayer%20For%20Divine%20Love%20-%20English%20Commentary.pdf

And from John Denver:

Perhaps love is like a resting place
A shelter from the storm
It exists to give you comfort
It is there to keep you warm
And in those times of trouble
When you are most alone
The memory of love will bring you home

Perhaps love is like a window
Perhaps an open door
It invites you to come closer
It wants to show you more
And even if you lose yourself and don't know what to do
The memory of love will see you through 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3YnfCH7LNcM

Reflection on The Prayer (6)

(Entire Prayer to be found at https://www.divinetruth.com/www/en/html/index.htm#prayer.htm)

“Thy will is that I become at one with thee…”

I’m told that the term ‘at one’ is the same as ‘new birth,’ a term that is confusing and misunderstood. In my lifetime, the people who have talked about being ‘born again’ seem to feel a variety of things: being washed in the blood of Jesus (icky!); being magically cleansed, as if God waves a wand so you can now ‘Pass Go’; or being ‘saved’ and guaranteed a spot in heaven, but the thing I felt mostly was a sense of ‘us and them.’ 

I always had the impression that they believed that a single act of will or a single prayer to God would set their lives on the right track and that it was all easy-peasy after that.

Not my experience I’m afraid. Neither does it make any sense, so it didn’t stick. What makes more sense are the people that really inspire me, the old, pain-ridden but patient and uncomplaining person in the nursing home, the very debilitated man who struggles so hard to keep helping others and to keep learning music, reading poetry, playing scrabble, the teenager who feels dumb and racially inferior but refuses to give up and to lose hope in his future.

Often these people have no sense of ‘being saved,’ and yet I feel that they are steadily making their way towards God, who has created a pathway where the bricks are love. “Thy will is that I become at one with thee…”  To me this means, ‘Your deep desire is that I become able and willing to love as you love.’

Here’s a beautiful song, by Jesse Manibusan (or Michael Talbot)

Listen to it here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BbihOyKIvi8

Open My Eyes Lord

And the first shall be last and all eyes are open

We'll hear like never before

And we'll speak in new ways and we'll see God's face

In places we've never known

Open my eyes, Lord, help me to see your face

Open my eyes, Lord, help me to see

And open my ears, Lord, help me to hear your voice

Open my ears, Lord, help me to hear

And open my heart Lord, help me to love like you

Open my heart, Lord, help me to love

And the first shall be last and all eyes are open

We'll hear like never before

And we'll speak in new ways and we'll see God's face

In places, in persons, situations, circumstances

We'll see God's face in surprising places

Like we've never known

Reflection on The Prayer (5)

(Entire Prayer to be found at https://www.divinetruth.com/www/en/html/index.htm#prayer.htm)

“…and the object of Thy soul’s great love and tenderest care.” 

It feels like a dizzying ride. One moment I’m one of billions of created souls, not to mention the rest of the universe, and the next moment it’s just me and God. And it’s not that I’m under scrutiny; it’s that I’m being loved (with Great Love), or at least being found lovable.

There is a difference. If I don’t feel that I am lovable, I close myself off to being loved. It’s the same thing as, while I firmly believe that I will never be able to swim the length of the swimming pool, I will never do it. The problem is with me, not with God (or the swimming pool).

How do I open myself to real love? How do I let down my protective shell and expose myself to what I suspect will be a very vulnerable condition? I’ve done this in the past and it’s been painful. Why would I want to try again?

I jumped in the deep end of the swimming pool when I was a kid and it was cold and wet and water went up my nose and I felt like I was drowning… but other people seemed to be having fun, floating and swimming about. They looked happy.

I think, similarly, the deeply happy, and inspiring, among us are also vulnerable, have learned to swim through what we call love but isn’t really rather than drown in it, and learned to give and receive something real.

The words “… and tenderest care.”  in the phrase, “Thy soul’s great love and tenderest care,”  is perhaps a starting point. It’s ok to be a bit vulnerable when it comes with such tender care.

For to His angels, He’s given a command

To guard you in all of your ways

Upon their hands they will bear you up

Lest you dash your foot against a stone

And He will raise you up on eagle’s wings

Bear you on the breath of dawn

Make you to shine like the sun

And hold you in the palm of His hand.

(From the hymn “On Eagles’ Wings” by Michael Joncas)

Reflection on The Prayer (4)

(Entire Prayer to be found at https://www.divinetruth.com/www/en/html/index.htm#prayer.htm)

“I am (we are) the greatest of Thy creation, the most wonderful of Thy handiworks…”

Sounds arrogant? It can’t be denied though, that the complexity of human thought, emotion, and ability to reason is far greater than that of any other living thing. Arrogance is only an issue when we start comparing ourselves to other humans, and the phrase ‘we are the greatest…’ leaves no room for that.

Why is this phrase in the Prayer at all?  To me, it suggests that if we start to contemplate the wonder and complexity of our own selves, it flows from there that God, who created us, is more complex than all of us put together.

Following on from “…not the sinful, subservient creature…” in the previous phrase, it also emphasises the way that we are seen by God - as wonderful. Who could wish for a more doting parent, and who could be afraid?

I grew up with a fear of God’s wrath that does not dissipate so easily though. Just telling myself that I am the greatest of God’s creation is no more than a mantra, with no long-term effect. I need to let it sink in, to a place where I can feel the possibility of this truth in me. Again, I find that music helps. This song, in Joe Cocker’s famous voice, tells me movingly of God’s feelings for me.

You are so beautiful

To me

You are so beautiful

To me

Can't you see

You're everything I hoped for

You're everything I need

You are so beautiful

To me

You are so beautiful

To me

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z6xfpLqn5IM

Reflection on The Prayer (3)
(Entire Prayer to be found at https://www.divinetruth.com/www/en/html/index.htm#prayer.htm)

“…and not the sinful, depraved and subservient creature that false teachers would have me believe.”

It sounds harsh doesn’t it? Do I feel like I have been treated this way?  Who are those false teachers?

I would like to disregard this part of the prayer and say it is not relevant to my particular situation. I would like to stay with the soft fuzzy, “I am Thy child” phrase.

However, I know that I’m missing something important if I do that.  The very fact I want to skip over it suggests that there is something in there for me.  I don’t like the feeling that I have been treated harshly, as if I am sinful and so on.  And this tells me that I recognise this feeling.  I recognise feeling that I am sinful and subservient; in particular, try as I may to behave otherwise, I treat myself this way.

Where did this come from?  I have heard that ‘false teachers’ refers to the people who most influenced me in my early life, starting with my parents. When my children were young I certainly treated them, and all children, as subservient to me. When I was young, we were brought up with this idea of Original Sin, an awful religious teaching that damns a person before they even have a chance to discover who they are. This idea, as I saw it through my mother’s eyes, has me striving and praying endlessly, while knowing that I will never succeed in being free of sin. Running a race I can never win. 

The Prayer tells me that this is not true. I was created perfect. Inside the very imperfect person I am, there is someone who is perfect. In that case, I want to ‘unwrap’ the layers of what went wrong, what I have done wrong, to unravel the knots and find me. 

Very often I feel that moving a mountain would be easier. It would, actually. Then I remember that this is not a task I am expected to do alone. This is something that God will do everything to help me with, but not by clearing away all the wrong as if by magic, or worse, by the mythical spilling of blood by another in order to wash away my sin.

Just as with the approach of Restorative Justice (https://www.rpiassn.org/practice-areas/what-is-restorative-justice/) if I own, at a deep level, the damage I have done, then I will be motivated to change, from the heart. I am told, and I firmly believe, that God waits for this heartfelt desire in me to ‘sin no more,’ and knowing this fills me with hope and gratitude.

I see trees of green, red roses too

I see them bloom, for me and you

And I think to myself

What a wonderful world

I see skies of blue and clouds of white

The bright blessed day, the dark sacred night

And I think to myself

What a wonderful world.

Reflection on The Prayer (2)
(Entire Prayer to be found at https://www.divinetruth.com/www/en/html/index.htm#prayer.htm)

...and I am thy child...

My reaction to these five words depends on the mood that I'm in. If I'm being my usual self, then I think," Mmm, that's nice. I am a child of God.  That makes me feel special, superior even, though there's no logic in that of course, as we are all on equal footing with God.

A bit of a digression: We are all on an equal footing?  Some of us, those who believe that there is a God, would firmly disagree. I personally, would like to think I'm better than most. However, only a little reflection shows the wrongness of that.  Either I was created 'better,' the idea of which shakes any view of a fair, just, loving God to its foundations, or I made myself better. But what about the starving millions? Any humanist would be quick to point out the arrogance in the assumption that people in the western world deserve their riches more than the people in the Third World who they are often plundering.

I have been told that to God, our worth is the same. It was quite a revelation to me to hear that. It is not based on what we know or who we know. This is how I mean, 'we are all on an equal footing.'  We all get to start from the same starting point. Nice.

What of me feeling special?  That depends on whether I'm feeling at all humble, or just arrogant.  If I look at the preceding words, "Father, you are all-holy, loving and merciful..." it puts "I am thy child" in its context. In physical terms, I am almost infinitesimally small compared to the universe, much less the creator of the universe, arrogance notwithstanding.

Another digression.  God did make humans to be more than just a physical form, more even than the other living organisms we are aware of; this I believe.  "I am thy child," (or we are thy children; it's the same) also suggests that, distinct from all other forms of life, I am able to have a relationship with God. I have a soul. God created me with a soul.

OK, back to where I said, 'depending on the mood I'm in.' In my superiority and arrogance I can glance at the words and carry on, impervious to the messages the world is giving me constantly that perhaps I could do with a bit of self-adjustment. However, as described above, it takes only a little thought to get to the point where I feel humbled, in awe, unable to really get my head around "I am thy child."

Somehow, this more humble place feels a lot better than the other.  Somehow it feels that in this place I am at a starting point of an interaction with God if I want to go any further. This is a softer place.

I heard he sang a good song,
I heard he had a style
And so I came to see him
And listen for a while...

...He sang as if he knew me

In all my dark despair

And then he looked right through me

....

And he just kept on singing

Singing clear and long

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qMzzw6IXH1s for the full song as sung by Roberta Flack.

My reflection on The Prayer (1)

Here is the first of my reflections on The Prayer as I know it. The original is found at: 

https://www.divinetruth.com/www/en/pdf/Prayer/Prayer%20For%20Divine%20Love%20-%20English%20Modern%20Father.pdf

Father, Thou art all holy and loving and merciful…

“Father…”  The name Father, in The Prayer, is to me the same as God, or Mother. If God has created us in His image, He must be both masculine and feminine. I doubt that it matters much which I use. I like the part of the song ‘God is God’ by Steve Earle which says,

God of my little understanding don’t care which name I call

Whether or not I believe doesn’t matter at all

I receive the blessings

For now I prefer to stay with ‘Father,’ as it implies an intimacy that I want, and also, because I was more drawn to my earthly father than my mother, I find it easier, for now, to be open to the masculine part of God.  I hope that will change as time goes on.

I think of my mother, a devout Catholic, who was very drawn to Mother Mary and would pray mostly to her and Baby Jesus. An honest prayer will reach God no matter ‘which name I call,’ but since I am currently more comfortable in relating to one gender, I'm glad to know that God is still on the receiving end.

“ Thou art all holy and loving and merciful…” In his books, ‘Lady Chatterley’s Lover’ and ‘Sons and Lovers,’ D H Lawrence has his characters, when speaking intimately to a loved one, use the words ‘thee, thou, thine.’  This is why I like to use the words ‘Thou art’ in the prayer. It feels more intimate.  If I felt it smacked of old-fashioned church-speak I would reject it for ‘You are…’ God wants an intimate relationship with me, this I feel sure of. Perhaps, for now, the best I can do in return is use words that help me feel the same way, and so I do.

“…all holy…”  I have pondered this word for some time.  What is ‘holy’ exactly? For now, I have decided that holy means ‘without sin,’ without any imperfection at all.  One could write pages on just this word, what it means and what it doesn’t mean, and perhaps I will sometime.

“,,,and loving…” I really have no idea what this word means!  My sense is that God’s love is different, softer, purer than human love, and that it is an emotion that doesn’t excuse or ignore my bad behaviour but, in persisting beyond the wrongness in me, helps me to see it better and want to do something about it. No pressure, just a goodness that gives me impetus to change.

“…and merciful…” God is full of mercy.  God is not a harsh judge as some Bible writers have portrayed Him, though I do believe that either on earth or after we die, all that is wrong in me does need to be addressed by me, acknowledged and appreciated for how I have affected myself and others.  God is also utterly fair.  But God’s mercy is, so I believe, seen in the way God allows me to make mistake after mistake, wilful or otherwise, and still does not ever reject me. I believe I feel God to be very near in those moments when I  feel very sorry for wrong I have done.

In the next post I would like to talk about the following phrase, “..and I am one of your children…”

Here’s the full text of Steve Earle’s song, written for Joan Baez to sing.

   

She sings it here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H8fFX5yn4Ks&spfreload=5 

Steve Earle sings it here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t5oV2bxxU9E

God is God

I believe in prophesy

Some folks see things not everybody can see

And once in a while they pass the secret on to you and me

And I believe in miracles

Something sacred burning in every bush and tree

We can all learn to sing the songs the angels sing

Yeah, I believe in God, and God ain’t me

I’ve travelled round the world

Stood on mighty mountains and gazed across the wilderness

Never seen a line in the sand or a diamond in the dust

And as our fate unfurls

Every bit that passes I’m sure about a little bit less

Even my money keeps telling me it’s God I need to trust

And I believe in God, and God ain’t us.

God of my little understanding don’t care which name I call

Whether or not I believe doesn’t matter at all

I receive the blessings

That every day on earth’s another chance to get it right

Let this little light of mine shine and rage against the night

Just another lesson

Maybe someone’s watching and wondering what I got

Maybe this is why I’m here on earth and maybe not

But I believe in God, and God is God.

God is?

I can’t remember a time when I didn’t believe in God.  I grew up with a lot of Catholic influence and saying prayers was a compulsory part of daily life back then.

Very occasionally, I’d have this sudden awful feeling that maybe God doesn’t exist, maybe it’s just a fairy story, a way to make me behave in an certain kind of way. My upbringing instructed me that to not believe in God was the road to ruin, and personal sacrifice, helping others, thrift and obedience would, in the long run, bring rewards.

I carried on, outwardly being the good girl but desperate to escape to some far-off country where no-one knew me and I could be as bad as I wanted to be. All the time, God was up there in the sky, smiling down at me, so I very much wanted to believe.

I did escape to a far-off country and was as bad as I wanted to be for a while. Even though I would still pop into a church whenever I saw one, I’d carry on, perhaps thinking that the God I believed in wouldn’t mind, as long as I said my prayers.

Now, at nearly 60, I continue to think a lot about God and, at long last, ask myself how things have panned out for me, the good, self-sacrificing, obedient, helpful, thrifty ex-Christian.* 

Who is God to me?

Well, I know I’ve felt driven to most of my choices and behaviours from a fear of eternal hellfire and damnation. God must be a powerful, unforgiving being who can never be satisfied.

But God is the kind, gentle, loving, comforting parent who will keep me safe and favour me because of all my earnest effort - won’t he?

I know which God I prefer.  But something within me insists that I need to be more open to that sudden awful feeling I used to get, the feeling that there is no God to bail me out, to make all my effort worthwhile, to reward me in the end.  

No God.  No reason for me to be kind, helpful, ‘good.’ I’ve thought for some time that atheists are far more honest, as a whole, because they make their choices for purely moral or ethical reasons. Would I?

If I did, would I continue to hear the beauty in music, feel the joy in making things and conveying ideas, see the wonder of things growing?  I like to think so.  Maybe there’s a reason behind those feelings; maybe I’ll find out, but I need to get rid of my ‘God’-gallery first.

*****

*The ex- in ex-Christian is because, many years ago, I dropped Jesus and the Holy Spirit out of the very un-mathematical ‘God is three and God is one’ equation, as taught by Christian faiths.

Opening up

I heard recently that I can't expect the world to become more open and truthful if I am not like this myself.  "From little things, big things grow," as they say. Well I know I'm pretty secretive, mainly about how miserly I am, but I'll give it a go.

By anyone's standards, I'm not exactly poor. I live alone in a four bedroom house that I own, on a 40 acre property in the bush. With my superannuation, a few years ago I bought an adjacent 40 acre property and started to build a bit of a shelter, just as a hobby. I also fully own a rental property, most of which is intended as inheritance for my youngest child, who has not yet received the inheritance the others have had. I also own a 20 acre property in New Zealand, in an area known for its scenic beauty.

Were I to sell these, I think I might get $250-$350,000 for the first, $60-$120,000 for the second, $180-$200,000 for the third, and $750-$950,000 for the last property, a total of $1.24 - $1.62 million.

My bank accounts are as follows:

Personal - $20,150.80. I will need a car upgrade very soon and want to attend my son's wedding in Poland

Rental property - $1974.01. The annual income covers the rates for the first three properties, plus $6-$7000 per year to my youngest daughter to support her study. 

Hobby property - $7,104.97. This is used to pay for materials as I go.

New Zealand property rental account - $1940.30.  As I have had some people paying to stay there in the last few months, I will need to pay tax from this account.

NZ personal account - $766.52

My income over the last nine months has been as follows:

Rental income in Aus - $3549 (rates have been subtracted)

Rental income NZ - as yet undetermined, likely a loss

Tutoring - $3114

Gardening - $1200

Bank interest - approx $400

Capital investment - approx $400

My expenses over the last nine months have been as follows:

Electricity $519.66

Phone and internet $239.54

NZ rates $116.67 (most is paid on my behalf)

Car fuel $1000.67

Car insurance $82.80

Car repairs $428.75

Trailer registration $99.15

Groceries approx $1087.68

Other (eg clothing, household needs) $660.30

Study support to daughter $6000

As it is not a full 12 month period, some expected expenses, such as car registration, further needed repairs, and the income statement for the new Zealand property are not yet available to me.

Some might say that my income and expenses are modest. The truth is that I am a miser. I eat food I have grown when I can, I buy fruit and vegetables that are in season, I buy most of my clothing and books at op shops, and I rarely buy takeaways. I sleep in the car or in a tent in preference to more expensive accommodation and I minimise my car trips so that I spend less time driving and pay less in fuel and repairs. I feel very uncomfortable with waste of any kind and will re-use or re-make or hoard rather than discard.

While I have plenty in my bank accounts, I am not exactly the basis of a strong economy if this involves circulation of money. I suspect that my miserliness is not a good thing, for me or others. When I sense it in others I can feel that they care more about money than about people; conversely, the truly generous people among us feel very good to be near.

Well - that's my thought for today anyway.